live in my house i'll be your shelter

Fake Craigslist: Offensive apartment.

I have an evil plan.It was hatched yesterday, born of a DM from a good friend living in my old neighborhood, Lincoln Square. She's moving in with her boyfriend — danger! danger! — and is giving up the glorious apartment she's lived in for the past four years.

I visited her last night, after my reading and a delicious beer at my favorite watering hole, and fell in love with it.

It's everything I lost in my first beautiful Chicago apartment, and then some. And I want it.

So I'm leaving Wicker Park. And I tried to tell the world about it by posting an ad on Craigslist that the apartment would be available come February. But I'm having issues today. Or, rather, someone's having issues with me.

Because my ad has been flagged for removal twice. AND I'M SICK OF IT.

So. Instead of posting a third ad that will likely be removed again for no apparent reason, I'm just going to post my ad here.

Damn. The. Man.

Available, for $925, on February 1: A cozy rehabbed two-bedroom in the East Village, perfect for a single professional (like me!) or a couple looking for an amazing deal. It features…

  • two bedrooms that will fit a full bed (I'm currently using the living room as my sleep area, one bedroom as a dressing room and the other as a home theatre with my huge TV!)
  • brand new, beautiful white ceiling fan with lights in the living room
  • central heat/AC
  • wired and equipped for DirecTV and AT&T service including U-Verse (Comcast works too, but I hate them)
  • secure, double-locked gated entry
  • huge, open kitchen with room for a table or butcher-block island
  • high ceilings and beautiful windows (almost floor to ceiling) in living room
  • new hardwood-look floors in kitchen and living room
  • large bathroom with new ceramic tile
  • fabulous water pressure (if this matters to you as much as it does to me)
  • sweet neighbors
  • great, super-responsive landlord who lives nearby
  • big patio with basketball hoop and room for a grill, table and chairs, etc.

Now, the neighborhood: This part of Wicker Park is WHERE IT'S AT. Big Star! Black Dog Gelato! Ruxbin! Jam! There's an awesome, cheeeeeap gym (a farmers market every Sunday during the summer and fall, and there's a festival just about every weekend somewhere nearby during warm weather.

Getting around: Got a car? There's easy street parking — no permits necessary! If you're a CTA kid, You're four SHORT blocks from the Ashland (#9) bus, two blocks from the Division (#70) bus and a five-minute walk to the Blue Line (Division stop) or Milwaukee (#56) bus, if you're really taking your time. Damen (#50) bus is just under a half-mile. And there's plenty of room for your bike right inside the building!

Other units on this quiet street with lots of young professionals and small families have gone for $950 and $975 — a great price for this highly coveted area!

I work from home and am happy to show you the place myself before I leave for Christmas, and my landlord can show you after that.

So. Rent my apartment. Seriously. E-mail me for a showing. Pass this link along to everyone you know, unless you know the person who made my Craigslist post go boom. You can't flag me now, you terrorists. Because this is MY WEBSITE.

Thank you, and goodnight.