A matter of time.

There's a spring in my step again.Lingering lake-effect flurries swirled around me as I walked to my stop this morning; I listened to Bloc Party's "I Still Remember" and pulled my hat down around my ears to protect my hair from the wet snow. With only a thin layer of black tights to separate my legs from the cold, I felt them turning red in the whipping wind. I had a friend over on Saturday afternoon; as we walked out of my apartment for lunch, I heard the guy across the hall yelling at his fiancée. Again — the fourth time in as many months. My reaction has gradually progressed from pity and fear to fury. Anger has been a first reaction to many things recently. But I want to change that. I want to change a lot of things. I've been having a lot of flashbacks to November lately. Leaving my apartment in the morning then, I was either exhausted and dreading the day, thrilled to be leaving alone or tethered. Constantly on camera and anchored by handhold. It never seemed so clear until I excused myself from the situation and got a little distance. Distance that became physical and permanent over the weekend. This morning, I relished my solitary walk to the bus. I had nine minutes to spare from door to door, so I walked at a brisk clip but didn't have to run. (What luxury.) I was the only girl on a relatively empty bus at 6:12 a.m., and I was only more aware of my femininity during my morning makeup ritual — who has time to use a real mirror and indoor lighting? — taking out my compact and flicking Stila's "Kitten" shadow all over my coat. I glanced around furtively then used my scarf to wipe away the shimmer, but the black nylon still has a bit of sheen that won't go away until I take it to the dry cleaner at the end of the season. The end of the season, which is palpably close, despite this morning's persistent snow. Better weather is coming, and I can feel my sunny disposition returning with the promise of more warmth. Spring in my step as I wait for it to take over the rest of my life. There is so much good ahead. There is work to be done.